Testimonial with Prateek
“ I am still trying to reconstruct, and the beautiful thing is that I am positive of it this time. ”
Prateek is 32 years old, from India, he is an advocate and was diagnosed in 2015.
Which are the symptoms that most affect you personally?
The feelings which affect me are my changing self-image, feeling empty, fear of abandonment, intense emotions including anger or love, suicidal thoughts, unstable relationships and self-harm behaviour
The symptoms which affect me deeply are feeling void, changing self and other people's images, suicidal and self-harm behaviour, and intense temporary emotions.
How did you learn, and have you learned, to manage these symptoms?
I have learned to manage my emotions to move out of situations where I feel intense anger because I realise that it harms at the end. I have learned to live with loneliness and a feeling of void, but talking with family and friends helps me a lot. I take help from online support groups when I am lonely or have self-harm thoughts.
What helps you the most in regulating your emotions, triggers and urges?
To pause in the situation and not react immediately, but to wait and react when I can calmly express myself. I try to avoid thinking those thoughts which would trigger me and avoid discussing certain topics which I am sure would trigger me immediately.
What are your worst fears regarding this disorder?
The worst thing I fear about this disorder is that my journey with BPD has caused me loneliness and loss of friendship and family members’ affection. I fear that I may end up all alone without anybody.
What are the most positive characteristics you find in this disorder?
The most positive characteristics other people have noticed is my creativity and also my ability to express through writing.
I can imagine that by living with this disorder, you needed to begin a journey of self-discovery, recovery and therapy. You might have had to evaluate and deconstruct a lot of your values, beliefs, thought patterns, behaviours and relationships. In that regard, did you have to rebuild your life and inner life? And in what way?
I haven't rebuilt my life entirely, but I was also dealing with addiction and thus had been to a rehabilitation centre, where I did get insight regarding my personality, and upon reflection, I did feel that I needed to take control of my life and take responsibility for the damage done to others. Therapy has helped me a lot to reflect upon myself and also my daily journaling. I am still trying to reconstruct, and the beautiful thing is that I am positive of it this time.
What advice would you give to someone going through a hard time right now?
I have been through some of the worst abuses and ultimately became suicidal and cynical. But after my journey through my rehabilitation center I am more positive regarding life. Just as good times haven't lasted long so also tough times aren't be going on forever. Just have faith, hope and patience.
