Testimonial with Idrees

With the correct diagnosis and sufficient professional help in place, I now am on the right track to helping myself.

My name is Idrees from South Africa age 31 Growing up, I didn’t know I had BPD. But I knew something was “wrong.” Throughout my childhood and young adult years, I had unstable relationships with friends and family.

I was always labeled as “emotional,” or "moffie" s South African slur similar to "faggot" and I was quick to anger. One moment, I could like someone, but then they could make some minor mistake and my vision of them would shatter. I ended many friendships incorrectly and lost more friendships because of my unstable or unpredictable behavior. I always say that I’ve battled mental health challenges for my entire life.

I don’t remember a time of my life where I wasn’t sad. Most of my childhood memories involve a situation in which I was incredibly upset, angry or depressed. I often felt “left out” of my own family and believed that my parents loved my brother more than they loved me.

During this time, I also battled an eating disorder where I wouldn't eat for days and grappled with suicidal ideation. My mood and behavior fluctuated drastically. Growing up in a coloured ethnicity household it was believed that mental illness is a "white man's disease only" or/and propaganda.

Eventually, my mother wanted me to begin therapy, but even when I agreed to go, I would soon change my mind, getting angry at the thought of needing help. At age 16, I was diagnosed with anxiety.

I felt some satisfaction receiving these diagnoses, as I had been fighting to understand my mental health for years. My greatest challenge was figuring out what else was “wrong” outside of these diagnoses. I wondered if I had another mental health condition and feared that maybe I was just “crazy.”

I met a girl on social media who happened to ease my mind we got married and everything seemed to be going well with me and I started to believe it was just a phase I was going through but things taken a turn for the worse.

Covid appeared, I lost my job and we're unemployed for nearly 2 years surviving on the little help I got from family and wife's paycheck. I got a job offer in another province my wife were to join me in two months time while I was busy setting things up for us.

Two months later. Not still going into detail or how I found out but i found out she was cheating when i returned to go and fetch her and my 1 year old son this is the time my bpd was "triggered" I finally met the most amazing religious leader while i was going for counsuling we thought it might just be depression but he paid and had me see a psychiatrist and this is when I was correctly diagnosed with BPD. I have never felt so much relief in my life like I did when I heard those words.

With the correct diagnosis and sufficient professional help in place, I now am on the right track to helping myself. Of course, I still struggle.

I sometimes fear forming connections with people and have resisted being in a serious romantic relationship. But I continued to make strides